Transfigured my Boy Entrancers
by HermioneWP
Summary: There are lots of things things very wrong with my life. The boy I like hates me and prefers swots like Wet Lindsay; my cat has an obsession with strange dogs; my sister, Libby, has peed in my trunk and I think I have lost my wand...
1. Chapter 1: Off to Stalag 14 I come

Yeah so no one ever seems to read my stories...

Ah wellll...

I might post them on Wattpad as well...

I will update this as much as poss

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_**31st August**_  
**In front of the Mirror  
11:03 a.m.**

Lurker alert. This is a disaster. No one likes the two chin look. Must use some of Mum's perfume to dry it up.

**11:05 a.m.**  
Where is it? She has gone and hidden it probably. So selfish. She is full of selfishosity my Mutti.  
It's probably in her nunga-nunga holder drawer. I mush check.

**11:08 a.m.**  
Nope. Not in there. Nothing else would fit, her nungas are so big. I mean, there is barely enough room in the house when she is in it, let alone the drawer (Although she won't be in the drawer, her over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders will). Her nungas are soooo big; she can use them as a shelf. Like, when we are at parties, she will put cups and drinks on them and walk around. She can keep snacks and sandwiches and so on, on her shelf for later. It's very unattractive.  
I don't want too much breastiance, like Melanie Griffiths, for example. In PE last year, her bra looked like two shopping bags. If they have grown any more over the summer, I expect that she will unbalance and topple over.  
When we were playing PE, she chased the ball and almost crashed into the fence from the momentum of her "basoomers" which Jas so amusingly calls them.

**11:15 a.m.**  
Rung Jas.  
"It's me. "  
"It's also me here. What a coincidence."  
"Jas. This is a major disaster. I have got a massive lurker on my chin and _nothing_ to deal with it with. "  
"Well how am I s'posed to know what to do? "  
"I don't know. Maybe because you're a teenage girl like me and you are me bestest friend so you would want to help?"  
"I don't know. I'll ask Mum."

**11:16 a.m.**  
"Mum says that you should look it up on the Internet. "  
"Thanks. You are soooo helpful. Not. I don't need your WHOLE family knowing that I have a lurking lurker!"  
"Well. Sorreeeee Miss Perfect. I suppose you don't want to hear about MY life do you?"  
"No I don't."

I put the phone down. Trust Jas to talk about herself the whole time, whilst I am having a major crisis.  
I'll just not speak to her for a while. That'll teach her.

**Two minutes later**  
"Jas?"  
"Oh it's you again."  
"Can I come around?"  
I need to look amazing tomorrow. It's the first day at school and first impressions are everything.  
Although I have been attending it for a trillion years so they all know me.

**11:20**  
There are six things very wrong with my life.  
1. I have one of those spots that really hurts and is really red but you can't squeeze it.  
2. It's on my already humongous nose.  
3. I have a three year old sister who (I think) may have peed in my trunk, which I am about to put clean clothes in.  
4. I am very ugly and need to go to an ugly home.  
5. That means I will never get a boyfriend.  
6. I went to a party dressed as a cocktail sausage.

After thinking about how awesome (not) my life is, I am quite tired.

**11:26**

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**12.56 p.m.**  
Woke up to the lovely feeling of Scuba Diving Barbie, Sandra, Angus and Libby all lying on my bed. Comfy.  
"Libby! Go away!"  
"No."  
Stubborn child. The next thing I need is for my wonderful Vati to barge in, uninvited.

**1.01 p.m.**

Surprise, surprise.  
"Gee. It's time to get up. You've been lounging around for ages and you need to pack your trunk. "

Oh yes. That. Well I can't do it right now. I am trapped in bed by my small sister.

**1.13 p.m.**  
Phew. She's gone. Now I need to pack.

I haven't had anything to eat _all day_ and I am starving.

And they call this 'Parenting'.

**1.46 p.m.**

Mmmmmmm

Jammy Dodgers are fabby.

**2.07 p.m.**  
Just summed up the will-power to get up and get some paper for listy-a-making.

List of stuff to pack:

Make-up

Hair gel

Clothes

How to Make Any Twit Fall in Love with You (Mutti's book. Vair vairgood.)

I hope that there will be some Sex Gods at school.

**Half an Hour later**  
I must remember not to spread my nose all over my face

**Five minutes later**  
And I need to pack my robes.

* * *

**_1_****_st_****_ September_**  
I got up at the crack of 8 o'clock.

I don't even have to be at Stalag 14 that early. The train only leaves at 11:00.

There's only enough time to put my pre-make-up make-up on.  
I can do the rest on the train.

**9.49 a.m.**  
Vati getting very stressed out as Gordy has gone missing. Oh well I can take Angus there instead.

**9:56 a.m.**  
Libby was holding him.

**10.17**

Vati and Mutti getting very stressed out. We only have 30 minutes to get there.  
**  
10:21**  
Okay we left.  
But I remembered my wand.  
Not my mascara wand (I hope I have enough of those to last me this term). My alder and unicorn tail hair wand.

**10:38  
**Vati will surely be stopped for speeding. It is like riding an aeroplane without wings.

**One minute later**  
Not that I have experienced that.

**Two minutes later**  
Oh I can't wait to see the Ace Gang.  
It will have been two _whole _weeks since we last saw each other.

**10.54**  
Okay. Made it in time.

Rush rush into the station  
Rush rush through the barrier  
Say goodbye to family. Oh god. The whole lot of them are here. Even Masie has knitted me a wand cosy.  
"Bye bye Ginger. I lobe you."  
"I lobe you too Libby. "  
"Bye Mutti bye Vati I will write bye."  
Rush rush onto the train.

Off to Hogwarts Stalag 14 I come.


	2. Chapter 2: Sex Gods

I have put them in Gryffindor because I took a test at Georgia's POV, and it came up with Gryffindor then Ravenclaw, and I thought that Ravenclaw wouldn't suit her. I have put all of the Ace gang with her so that they can share a dorm. I didn't choose the houses for the others, I took the Pottemore quiz. Robbie and Tom just happen to be in Gryffindor too. Just to let you know.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**11:06 a.m.**  
The Ace Gang were in the first compartment.  
Except Rosie. She was probably with Sven.  
Doing number 6.  
Oh well. Life is nice for the ones with Boyfriends.

**11:07**  
I said "So how were your last few days?"  
Ellen said "They were, you know, okay. I mean, like I didn't do much, cos, you know"  
Actually I didn't know.  
Rosie burst in. "Just got back from being with Sven."  
Jas said "Is Sven a good snogger?"  
Rosie said "Yea. Foreign boys snog different from normal boys. Hard then soft then hard again. He is so romantic and mad. He carried me through the barrier. Over his shoulder."  
I said "What number did you get up to on the Snogging Scale?"  
Rosie said "The Snogging Scale?"  
"Jas and I invented it. It's how far you go together. It starts at One, Holding hands."  
"Two, arm around waist."  
"Three, Goodnight kiss."  
"Four, Kiss lasting over three minutes-  
"Without a break!"  
"Five, open mouth kissing."  
"Six, Tongues!"  
"Seven, upper body fondling-outdoors."  
"Eight, upper body fond- Oh. My. God."  
Two Sex Gods had just passed our compartment. One of them looked at me. I felt my whole body go jeloid. Thank goodness I was sitting down. Otherwise I might have collapsed.  
Rosie said "Phwoar. Quality Luscious!"  
Jas said "Oooooh..."  
Mabs said "Woah."  
Jools said "Sex Gods!"  
Ellen said "Do you, er, think one of them, um, looked at, er, me?"  
I just sat there drooling like an idiot.

**12:34**  
I think I have recovered. Only just.  
My legs are still a bit jelly-ey.  
Hopefully I will be able to stand when the Trolley lady comes round.

**12:56**  
"Anything from the trolley dears?"

Jas boughs some Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. She also bought a guide for it. Wimp.

Mmmmm. Pumpkin pasties are soooo nice.

**7:26 p.m.**  
A really loud voice rang through the train, sounding suspiciously like my Vati. "We will be approaching Hogwarts in five minutes. Please leave your luggage on the train."

**8:00**  
All of the first years have been sorted. There are some who have joined us at the Gryffindor table.  
I swear we weren't as titchy as them before.

I looked over to the Ravenclaw table to see no-forehead Wet Lindsay (who was sitting next to Astonishingly Dim Monica, so called because no one could believe she got into Ravenclaw) staring at the Sex Gods, who were sitting quite near us, at the Gryffindor table.

"Can you pass the carrots, Robbie?" Sex God II said.  
Robbie handed over the carrots. "Sure Tom."

"Jas. I like Robbie." I whispered, so only the Ace Gang (and Ace trainees) would hear.

**10:57**  
I have too much to think about tonight. I will never get to sleep.  
I have plans to form about getting Robbie.  
**  
11.03**  
And Angus is using me as a pillow.

Ah. I have a sleepless night ahead of me... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


End file.
